My Heritage

There are times that I feel like dumping the whole Christianity thing completely and starting over. Sometimes we need fresh starts in life. I appreciate the atheists I’ve been discovering on the blogosphere, especially the ones who used to be Christians. I like their honesty and integrity, and I identify with the hard work they’ve done to completely remake their belief systems to reflect reality as they have come to understand it. I’m not ready to declare myself an atheist, though. I’m also very attracted to the little I know about Buddhism, but I’m not going to go converting to that any time soon either. I don’t think conversion is my answer, at least not conversion to an entirely different religion (or lack thereof). I am working on dealing with my emotional and spiritual injuries and misconceptions and being honest with where I am, but I am also not ruling out the possibility that I may call myself “Christian” again someday, although that will look very different than it did five years ago of course. Really, the main reason I’m not ready to throw it out completely is that it is my heritage. There are reasons Christianity has been passed down to me by my family. There are reasons it has grown and survived for thousands of years. Those reasons are also the reasons other religions have persevered and grown; they're the reasons we have religions in the first place.

Religion arose as a way to explain what ancient people found unexplainable, but it was more than that too. If it wasn't, it would be quickly vanishing with the advance of science and our ability to explain what was previously unexplainable. Some people do predict this, but I think they're wrong. There was always more to religion than just explanation. It had social and psychological purposes. It was about unity and solidarity; it was about belonging and identity. Those are still true. Religion still contributes to our sense of belonging and identity; however, it also sometimes motivates more divisiveness and death than unity and life. That is because religion is a distinctly human thing. It is dynamic and imperfect, but that does not make it worthless. It is not a static statement of truth or an object apart from human animation. Without people, there would be no religion. Without people, there would be no Christianity. There have been people who valued this religion enough to dedicate and even sacrifice their lives for it. I understand that people’s willingness to sacrifice for a cause does not automatically establish the ultimate worth of the cause—probably as many people have sacrificed their lives for unjust causes as for noble ones—but I cannot in good conscience simply discount those people who valued Christianity as of ultimate importance. I feel a need to respond in some way, in a way that honors what others have valued while still retaining my personal integrity.

I have received Christianity as part of my heritage. It was passed on to me as a thing of importance, and I will not reject the entirety of Christianity because of the harmfulness of aspects of a certain culture within Christianity. I've been reading Bishop John Shelby Spong's book Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism, and it has been helpful in my attempt to sort out what exactly I'm trying to hold on to while  I am, at the same time, moving away from the religion I knew as a child. In what I think is one of the most beautiful passages of his book (so far, I'm not quite done with it yet) Spong says, "We see those things that affirm our being in the face of the ultimate threat of nonbeing, and we call those holy. We even call those things God. We plumb the depths of our own humanity until we touch our limits, and then we seek ways to transcend those limits. Enhanced consciousness does it, deepened humanity does it, an infinite and eternal love does it."

I am beginning to believe that religion, at its best, is less about what tradition one ascribes to and more about one's ability to understand this concept of transcendence. Once we understand it, we can share it; we can experience it together. The importance of religion lies not in whether it gives all the answers to life, but in how it provides a platform for us to establish human relations founded on this transcendence. If and when I return to Christianity, I will not be looking for a religion to give meaning to my life. I already experience meaning. I'll be looking for a Christianity that helps me to express and share and build upon that meaning which I've already experienced outside of any religious framework. My heritage, the Christianity of which I've been a part by default, is rich and varied. It is not contained in fundamentalism and biblical literalism, and I do not have to throw out Christianity in order to disassociate from fundamentalism. If I decide that returning to Christianity is the right choice for me, I am confident that I will be able to find a place in it. I know that I can live with integrity in my worldview while embracing human relationship within the context of Christianity, as well as outside it. I am at peace with my heritage.